Monday, March 31, 2014

The Word "Transition"

 Transition: 
1  a: passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another
    b: a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another

2
a : a musical modulation b : a musical passage leading from one section of a piece to another 
(definition from Merriam Webster's Dictionary online)
I tried to squeeze through the passage, but I'm too fat.  I have to wait to pass through transition until I lose some weight first?  This might explain the reason for the carving going on in my life. Physically I need to lose weight too - probably about 50 pounds?  I've gotten fat and I've never been in this place before.  I've gradually gained over the last number of years.  I don't like it.  I also don't like the way life has changed - particularly in certain areas.  For example: Why do I have to "think" about exercising?  I used to just do stuff and the weight stayed off.  As a matter of fact, I had trouble gaining weight.  Now, I have to exert some kind of thought and planning into it because there aren't exercise "things" that just happen much.  Why is that?  I know how old I am (I'm tempted to furrow my brows and frown), I just don't believe it. LOL.  On the outside, I KNOW I'm getting older, but on the inside I don't feel "old".  

The word "transition" reminds me of having babies.  Getting to the point of transition is often bumpy, full of pain, and quite a bit of panting and puffing. Don't forget there must be a focal point, ice chips.  I personally required a cool wet washcloth used to distract myself.  It also helps to have your partner present; someone whose hand is available to squeeze until it turns blue, and who could coach me with the right breathing when the pain came on with ferocity.     
For me the word "Limbo" is often also associated with transition.  The definitions a, c, and d, I've listed below apply to me here.  I don't see transition as a place of neglect or oblivion - not in this case (definition b).     
LIMBO
1
often capitalized : an abode of souls that are according to Roman Catholic theology barred from heaven because of not having received Christian baptism
2
a : a place or state of restraint or confinementb : a place or state of neglect or oblivion <proposals kept inlimbo>c : an intermediate or transitional place or stated : a state of uncertainty
(Definition of LIMBO from Merriam Webster's Dictionary)


I don't know what to say about that first definition of limbo - abode of souls?  That definition sounds like purgatory.  I only listed it because it was in the dictionary, okay?

Restraint - definitely is a part of this process of transition I've been in.  My kids are almost grown and it has been a very different place to watch the pieces develop.  I can't just jump in there anymore and direct traffic.  I have to let them hash things out for themselves.  I am kept from other areas too that are painful for me to just sit by and watch.  Family growing pains I guess.   
I am wondering what to do about my job and future.  Child support stopped bringing with it a major drop in income.  Thus, the "state of uncertainty" that has lasted ever since.
Life has to go forward or it stagnates.  I like to hold on to the good things, but I want new things to happen too.   My life has already undergone so much change recently.  When in labor transition I knew there was something good when it was all done.  

The grass is yellowing in the yard, my roommate says.  "It needs nitrogen" says her brilliant landscape artiste' brother.  In other words it needs chicken poop.  The moral of that story is - if you're yellow the cure is chicken poop.  Trouble will give you courage and force you to make decisions you didn't think you could make.

In the last few years I kept making the comment (my youngest children might recall) about feeling as if blades were being brought down upon either side of me to shave away the unnecessary things in my life.  Painful and frustrating yet it has lightened my life/load.
I mentioned my roommate.  
Ahhh yes, my roommate.  This is another fairly recent change.  I no longer have my own apartment or house.  Rather I rent a room in a house from family.  I'm the youngest of five girls, three boys and one of my four sisters lives here too.  She is next up from me! My sister lives across the hall.  I love it!  Surprisingly, it works well for me.  I have few responsibilities other than plants who need water.  That is a total switch from having the kids at home.  I miss them very much, but I'm happy they are independent and seem to enjoy it too.  I pay my rent and a little extra for my cable, which has freed me up to work on paying off nagging little bills and get finished with school.  I'm getting a degree in BS! Bachelor of Science in Health Informatics.  I am a senior near the end of this year!  More transition.  My hope is to earn enough from my BS to have "do-power!"  LOL  Not doo-doo power, though if that works for some it might possibly work for me too.  I will have to think more on that later.

Did you notice I steered away from the fat part of this conversation?  I'm trying to stay away from it and that's just another way to cut down!

I met yet another person who runs for exercise last night and the message in my heart was reiterated.  I used to run.  In my heart I run.  My body...not yet.  I am going to try the program for my IPhone she suggested - The Couch to 5K app.  It yells at you to WALK...RUN...WALK...RUN to do interval training.  We'll see.  I don't let very many people yell at me.  It is for that reason especially that I don't like super hard rock music.  IF I am going to be yelled at I would like to understand what is being said to me at least.  They say that our bodies remember what it used to look like.  I hope mine didn't develop some kind of muscle or body Alzheimers.  I had a nice bod back in the day.  I kind of wouldn't mind enjoying a few more miles out of it.  My drive to have a hot bod is not the same as it was when I was unmarried as a teen.  I want to look good and I also want to keep some of what I've gained on account of it took so long to get it and what is the first thing that goes when losing weight? Decisions, decisions.  How to lose weight without losing it?

Another rabbit trail: I just found out a good friend of mine passed away.  He and I hadn't talked since I moved back to Washington.  I prayed for him at different times since I left.  We used to play in a worship band together.  He was the bass player and I was the worship leader. I couldn't imagine my life without my friend in it, but whether I liked it or not, I was forced to adjust.  It's just the way of life that has taken me many years to see and accept.
Transition means adjustments.  Uncomfortable usually, but definitely reality. I am thankful he and I were friends as long as we were - about 4 years.  We shared a passion for guitar and worship.  I will miss him still, but I smile when I think about times we had.

Change transforms something - if not us than the things that surround us.  I try to embrace it, but sometimes it pokes me!  Admire change from a distance?  Loosely show affection toward change by waving at it (Hello? Goodbye?).  I rest assured that it will come over anyway. Like the kid down the street whose mother told him not to eat at the neighbors who somehow ends up with a plate at your table. Ah well!  Glad you like my mac' n' cheese.